Late night thoughts...

Well, it's been a while since I've last blogged and I've been laying here WIDE awake. I can't fall asleep. I am not interested in a single one of the things I have recorded on the DVR. I don't feel like reading. I know I should be sleeping but I just can't. So here I am.

I'm still encouraged by the people I know and people I don't know who have reached out to me regarding my anxiety and depression. Think about it. There are millions of blogs out there and somehow, some way, these people from all over the country have found MINE. And read it. That's pretty spectacular. I've enjoyed connecting with new people and encouraging those who have the same struggles that I am facing. I've learned a lot since being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression. Some of it I have learned from hours of research online, some from doctors and some from other people. As an anxious person, the most tempting thing to do is to go online and read all the horror stories from people. Let me tell you..DO NOT DO THIS. Seriously. It's bad. After all, you are an individual and your life and your story are unique to you, right? The thing about anxiety and depression is that it isn't like going to the doctor and them telling you that you have the flu. Ok, take some Advil, drink a lot of fluids and get rest..in a week, you'll be back to new. You carry on your life and probably don't think twice about having the flu. Nope. It isn't like that at all. It's something that is a struggle every since day and quite frankly it can suck all the motivation out of you.

After being home since March and seeing a therapist once a week...and being on COUNTLESS medications which have caused me to have crazy side effects..I finally decided to put my foot down and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Something wasn't clicking for me. I was sick of my therapist. Each week it was the same thing..."Give it time...you'll eventually feel like yourself again...how was your week? Well, try to go out at least once a week and let me know how it goes..again, just give it time." Ummmmm???? Sorry, that did not help me. No offense to the therapist, I'm sure she's great for some people but it just wasn't connecting with me. I still felt awful and more hopeless than ever before. I had already decided that this was my life. One big failure. One big disappointment to my family. All my dreams..shattered. Then I started to think about all the people out there who must have gotten help SOMEHOW. I mean, it seems like everyone I know is on antidepressants and they seem to function and carry on a normal life without much disruption. Now, there are all different levels of anxiety and depression and I'm labeled on the very extreme end of both. Thankfully, I have a sweet friend in Nashville that experiences the same horrible thoughts and issues I do and she has been there to support me. We have bounced ideas off one another and she really encouraged me to dig deeper into research. In other words, I had to stop reading what other anxious people were saying because what works for them may not work for me.

Long story short, I prayed and prayed about it. I was willing to put in the work if God would just lead me in the direction that I needed to go to get help. I ended up talking to an anxiety disorder specialist at Harvard who told me that I was on the wrong treatment plan and needed to be doing cognitive behavioral therapy. The "talk" therapy I was doing was not going to help me overcome my fears. From there, I found a psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy...AND he took my insurance. I was happy about this but then I thought about how long it takes to get in and see someone as a new patient. I called on Friday and they called me on Monday to tell me that they had a last minute cancellation and asked if I could come in that afternoon. YES. I was there.

It took about ten minutes for this psychologist to read me like the back of his hand. I had a feeling that he was going to challenge me and push me. Tough love. I think that's what I need. He gave me some homework assignments. I decided I was going to really push myself to do things that made me uncomfortable. So I did.

I saw him again a few days ago and am convinced at this point that I made the right choice by changing therapists and taking control of my problems.

I believe that this was all a direct answer to my prayers. If you only knew how many times I have prayed for God to take this pain away from me...but I was missing something very important. It is up to me to do the work. Nobody can fix me but myself. Yes, I can get help from professionals but if I don't do my part, there is no way I can ever fully recover. So, here I am two weeks into this new therapy and I've done more in the past two weeks than I have done in the past two months. I would say that is an improvement and I'm feeling a lot more hopeful.

So, what I'm saying to all you people who read my blog that are anxious or depressed is DON'T GIVE UP. Maybe you'll have to change doctors and/or therapist a few times, try different medications, push yourself, make yourself uncomfortable, make life changes that scare you...but DON'T GIVE UP. We all have different lives with different paths. Find what works for you and remember that there is a God who loves you and wants you to live the life that He has planned for you!

xoxo
C

I wish I could rewind..

My anxiety has been unbearable to deal with the past few weeks. I started a new medication and all that's happened is more horrible side effects. It's so frustrating to have to wait weeks to see if it's going to work for you or not. You basically have to endure weeks of headaches, upset stomach, MORE anxiety, and the list goes on...just to see if this medication MAY work. So far, my whole year has been BLAH. I feel like I've hit a brick wall with my therapist and I'm so sick of putting my body through all the medication changes. I'm mentally and physically exhausted...and I don't even do anything! I try to force myself to get out but all it does it stress me out and make me more anxious. I don't even want to see or talk to any of my friends. The sad part is, I know there are so many people out there like me who feel as hopeless as I do.

I wish I could rewind a few years...maybe make some changes and avoid things/people/situations that have played a role in my condition. Maybe that wouldn't have made much of a difference at all. Maybe I would still be where I am not either way.

I know God has a plan for me and a purpose for me and my life. When I prayed to God that I wanted to help people, I never imagined that it would be through my own suffering. I will say though that I have a compassion for people that I never had before I went through my own trials. I truly feel other people's sadness as if it were my own. I used to be scared of homeless people on the streets that seemed "crazy"..now I realize that these are just hurt, scared and lonely people who aren't as blessed as I am...they can't seek help for their mental health because they don't have the resources. So no matter how bad I feel, I always try to remind myself that there are much worse things that I could be going through and I'm blessed to know that God loves me and that my family does too.

I'm trying to keep the faith but it's HARD at times like these....

Hope all my bloggers are doing better than I am!

xo
C

This is the last time I'm going to address this Chick-Fil-A situation...

Ok, I wasn't going to get into this but I have to. I realize that this may open a can of worms, get me unfollowed and unfriended but oh well. Those of you who know me know that I love the gay community. I have had gay friends for as long as I can remember and some of my closest friends are gay. They are wonderful people who I love dearly. Also, if you know me, you know that I'm also a Christian.

So..this whole Chick-Fil-A thing has really got me upset. Why? Because it is displaying the UGLIEST sides of both the gay community and the Christian community. As a Christian, I believe that my God loves EVERYONE and I am to do the same. It makes me sad that "Christians" would condemn or judge other people. We all sin, just differently. What I'm saying is don't throw bricks if you live in a glass house. How many of you Christians who are being so hateful and judgmental engage in premarital sex? Lie? Cheat? Steal? Put other things above God? It really gets you thinking, doesn't it? I'm including myself in this as well because I'm not perfect.

And the gay community...I understand that it isn't fair that you are denied certain rights because of your sexual orientation. As I've stated before, I don't think marriage is for everyone so it kind of sucks for those of us who want to stay single that we don't get the same rights as those who are married with children. I get it. At the same time, if you want tolerance, you have to respect others. I actually had someone suggest that I was homophobic because I'm going to continue to eat at Chick-Fil-A. I can't even take that seriously because those who know me, should know my heart. Also, having people dress in drag and protest in front of Chick-Fil-A is beyond ridiculous. Out of all my gay friends, I don't know of a single one of them who dresses in drag. This is only feeding into the stereotypical idea society has created of the gay community. This doesn't help you move forward.

Think of it this way...if we were to boycott every company that we didn't agree with, we wouldn't shop anywhere or buy anything. If we were to abandon every friend we had a difference with, we would be alone.

All I know is that it isn't my place to judge, it's my place to love others as God has loved me and I will continue to do so. We all have our own convictions and beliefs but if you are going to share them, do so respectfully. None of us are better than anyone else and we don't have the right to push our beliefs on anyone else or judge them.

So, go out there and love people. Commit a random act of kindness. Reach out to someone in need. If you truly want to make a difference in this big, scary, crazy world...spread LOVE.

That is all.

C

how I deal with my anxiety...

I think the past year of my life can be summed up in one word..STUCK. I have always had a plan for my life. I always had career goals and dreams. Unfortunately, life threw me a few curve balls and now I'm back home (somewhere I never thought I'd be) and I feel like I'm in a rut. It's really hard having your dreams crushed and having to start over. I get so frustrated daily with the fact that I deal with anxiety and depression. It keeps me from doing the things that I used to do and from being the person that I want to be. Every day seems to be a struggle. Yes, I do have days that are better than others. However, if you are like me and have a serious problem with anxiety...everything seems so hard. Getting out of bed, seeing your friends, going out, dating, meeting new people, being away from your "safe" people/places, working...it's just hard. Since my initial blog about my struggles, I've had a lot of people reach out to me. I must admit, it was scary for me to put my struggles out there for the world to see. I didn't know how people were going to react. I had no idea that so many people were dealing with the same thing that I was. I mean, I knew all the statistics about anxiety being the most common mental illness in the US..BUT, I had no idea how many people that I knew who struggled. I guess they hide it better than me or maybe they just function better than I do. I've had people ask me what helps me get through it so I decided to share. Keep in mind, not every strategy works for every person. You really have to try different things and find out what works best for you. That's the thing with anxiety and depression...each individual is different so they require different treatments.

First of all, if you're struggling..SEEK HELP. There is no shame in admitting you need professional help for this. I didn't want to ask for help because I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I thought that I should be able to control my anxiety but I couldn't. I let it go until I finally had a complete melt down. Don't wait for that to happen before seeking help. It's brave to face your problems head on...even when it seems like an impossible thing to do. Also, don't be afraid to take medication if it will help you. I was dead set on avoiding any kind of medication. Finally I realized that I NEEDED medication. This isn't the case for everyone but it is for me. A year later, I'm still trying to find my perfect "cocktail" suited to my needs but I can't imagine making any progress without it. Also, medication should not be your only form of help. Therapy and implementing the things you learn in therapy are essential. I'd also suggest getting a physical from a doctor that you trust. That way you can rule out any other medical conditions. For me, I worry about my health a lot because anxiety has given me physical problems that I thought could be something more serious. It will put your mind as ease if you worry about your health.

One thing that has been really important for me is to tap into my spiritual side. I spent a lot of time being mad and upset that God would let this happen to me. I didn't understand and I still don't...but now I look at things differently. Instead of asking why...I have come to accept that it is what it is. This is a part of my life and I have to learn how to manage it. Asking why isn't going to "cure" me or make me feel any better...it just further upsets me and prevents me from progressing. I've been a Christian for many years but when I was in college and living in Nashville, I kind of ignored this part of my life. In fact, I didn't take many things too seriously besides finding a job. That's all I cared about and all I focused on. Well, I learned my lesson the hard way. When we put things above God, we will pay the price. One way or another, God is going to get your attention and it may be a slap in the face to get you back to reality. I often wonder if I let all the glitz and glamour of the music industry become my idol instead of God and that is why I am in the place I'm at now. It's one thing to say you are a Christian but it is another to walk the walk. I'm far from perfect and I make mistakes and sin just like everyone else. However, I have found that starting and ending my day reading a daily devotional seems to really help me. Simply knowing that God has a plan for my life and that I am not alone comforts me.

Also, self help books and researching anxiety has helped a lot. If you can help yourself, stay away from reading the horror stories people post online about medications that they have taken. Most people will post what doesn't work for them and are less likely to post what has worked for them. Remember, everyone is different and everyone reacts differently to medication. What could be a miracle pill for one person could be a nightmare for another. You have to trust your doctor and realize that it takes a lot of trial and error to figure out what is going to work for you. I have the bad habit of looking into every side effect of every drug that I take. While it can be informative, if you struggle with anxiety it will only make you feel more anxious. I have read a LOT and I mean a LOT of books on anxiety. The best one that I've found has been From Panic to Power by Lucinda Bassett. In fact, I'm probably going to read it again very soon. I liked it because it wasn't one of those books that just tells you what anxiety is and how it feels to have it...if you suffer from anxiety you already know these things. Lucinda actually experienced it herself and regained control of her life. It's very encouraging and it was very relatable for me.

Meditation always seemed weird to me but it really does help. It takes practice but it's all about being able to control your breathing and learning to calm yourself down. I have found a lot of really good guided meditations online that have been extremely helpful. Sometimes I just need a minute to myself and to be able to clear my mind...it works for me.

Deep breathing is part of meditation and I love it. I can almost feel myself releasing tension when I practice my deep breathing exercises. Again, this takes practice and I recommend doing it even if you feel good. That way, you'll be prepared in case you have an anxiety attack and need to use this tool. If you only use it when you're anxious, it won't be easy.

Something that has been especially difficult for me is positive self talk. I've never been that positive when it came to myself so this has been hard to tackle...however, it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY TO OVERCOME THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS IN YOUR MIND AND TURN THEM INTO POSITIVE THOUGHTS. You can't live a positive life with a negative mind. If you took the time to write down every thought you had each day, you'd be amazed. Try to see yourself the way that others see you instead of how you see yourself. After all, if you were that bad you wouldn't have all these amazing friends who support you, right? I try to talk to myself like I would talk to my best friend if she was going through the same thing. You have to be kind to yourself.

Also, remember that recovery is like a ladder. Sometimes you'll go up three steps and then back one. There is no magic pill or cure for anxiety or depression. You will likely struggle with it your whole life, even if you do have some periods of time that are easier than others. I think once you accept that and realize it is going to be work to get to where you need to be, you'll be making your way up that ladder.

I know it's hard...trust me, I know. I've been trying to push myself lately to do things that don't feel safe to me and it hasn't particularly been comfortable for me...BUT..I know that I have to do it. I have to push forward. I can't stay this way forever. It's no way to live your life.

So, all my friends that are struggling out there...what helps you?

Hopefully this helps all the people who have messaged me!

Thanks for reading!

xo
C

The "frenemy"...and why you shouldn't have them anymore!

I've always been a people pleaser and I've always wanted to be friends with everyone and just fit in. I'm not exactly sure where this desire came from or why I've always been this way, I just am. Although I've been through my own personal hell this past year, I've also learned a lot. A lot about myself...a lot about other people and the way we all interact. Now, if you're a guy, you may not be familiar with this term...however, if you're a chick you know this term ALL TOO WELL..the FRENEMY...the lovely combination of a friend and an enemy. If you're honest with yourself you can think of at least one person in your life that falls into this category. You know, the "friend" who loves to see you fail, always has to one up you, gives you backhanded compliments..but she's the first to write "happy birthday! love you girl!" on your Facebook page and you must have a least a dozen photos from last weekends adventures. My question is WHY?! 

Ladies, why do we do this to each other? Why do we allow people to treat us this way and yet still call them a friend? From as far back as I can remember, I have had these kind of girls in my life. I remember in high school hanging out with a group of girls that I didn't even like but worshiped at the same time. Does that make sense? No, not really to me either. The fact is, I just wanted their acceptance and I was as sweet as pie to them yet they always made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I just wanted to be liked and popular and I was willing to be walked all over to get that acceptance. Now, I'm not saying that ALL of my girlfriends in high school were like this. In fact, some of them I'm still very close with today and I consider them more like family than friends....BUT, the sad fact is that 95% of the girls I spent my time trying to impress are people that I would likely avoid at all costs if I saw them out today. Of course, we all attended each others birthday parties, group outings, ate lunch together..but when it came down to it...there was no real substance there. I couldn't be myself and honestly had no idea who I was at that point because I was trying to be so many things to fit others expectations of me. I thought these girls were my friends but really they were frenemies. They never encouraged me or made me feel good about myself. Your true friends should never make you feel that way. One instance that I will NEVER forget happened my senior year. At my high school, our class pageants were a BIG deal. I mean, EVERYONE entered them. A lot of time and money went into getting the best casual and formal wear for these events. I would never in a million years think of entering something like this on my own but all my "friends" were doing it and my mom wasn't going to let me off the hook. So, when I went to public school my sophomore year, I entered. I didn't take it too seriously and made it to the finals but didn't place. Same thing happened my junior year. I didn't take it personally and wasn't shocked that I never won. I thought all my friends were way prettier than me and that one of them would surely win...and they did both years. I will say that there were a lot of pretty girls in my class each year and the competition was always pretty fierce. I was actually so self conscious that I was embarrassed about entering because I thought everyone would wonder why I thought I had a chance. I was always really happy for the girls that won and told them congratulations. I didn't worry too much about it, I just knew that my mom enjoyed having me participate and it was something fun to do with my friends. 

Something happened my senior year though. I started to realize that I had only a few more months left in high school and then I'd be embarking on my own journey. Yes, some of my "friends" were going to the same college as me, but I'd be meeting a lot of other people. For some reason though, I decided that this year I was going to go out with a bang. I really wanted to win the class pageant and be Miss Senior. This year, I was going to actually go shopping for an amazing gown and pick out a classy casual wear outfit. I didn't have to hold myself back because I thought that the other girls were "more deserving" than I was. I even had people help me with my walk and my stage presentation. I didn't care who had a problem with it..I was in it to win it! Of course, the insecure part of me was scared to death that it would be a repeat of the past two years but I was confident in my preparation and my clothes. Well, guess what? I did end up winning and it was pretty awesome. However, it was short lived. The girls who were my "friends"...who had won or done better than me in previous years..the ones who I praised and congratulated in previous years...were AWFUL to me. Not a SINGLE one of them congratulated me and you could see it across their faces that they were just as shocked as I was. At that point, I realized that I never had to talk to any of them ever again after I walked across the stage and got my diploma. It was actually pretty freeing. I look back and regret all the wasted time and energy I spent trying to make these girls my friends. It just wasn't worth it.

When I went to college, I found a few self confidence that I had never had. I loved it. I met so many people who liked me for who I was and not who I was or wasn't in high school. I made friendships that were real and lasting. I felt secure and happy with myself.

However, when I went to Nashville, I went back to my old people pleasing ways. After all, I was all alone in a city and in an industry that I knew nothing about. Therefore, I became "friends" with a few girls who really were the true definition of a frenemy...but I put up with it because I wanted to fit in with a certain crowd. In fact, I was willing to put my self esteem and my value in the hands of these girls who truly were terrible people. I'd like to say that I figured it out fast and got the heck out of there, but I didn't. One relationship in particular was so toxic that I still get upset when I think about all the horrible things this person who claimed to be one of my "best friends" has said and done to me. Honestly, I put up with a lot of it because some of these people are truly crazy and I was afraid of what they would do if I were to stand up to them. Don't ever let anyone make you feel less than what you are...don't let people intimidate you. HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE.

My point in all of this is...you're an adult now and you don't have to be around people who don't lift you up. You don't need these hateful people filling your head with negative ideas....you don't have to put up with the frenemy anymore!!! There are plenty of people out there who will try to poison your mind with their unkind remarks and opinions of you...you don't need people who are supposed to be on your side, stabbing you in the back. You're better than that. Be kind to yourself. Be smart enough to recognize these people and get them out of your life. They are toxic. There are people out there who will love you for you and celebrate your successes with you. I'm blessed to have found that in my best friends Danelle, Ann Marie, Sara, Lauren & Amanda. There are girls out there who will encourage you to be the best version of yourself and will be there to help you get there. So, find those people and be the friend to them that you'd want them to be to you. 

Sisters...we gotta unite and encourage each other....tell the mean girls in your life to take a hike and surround yourself with friends who you want to be like....remember...birds of a feather flock together. If you don't believe that...you better look around and guess again.

Until next time,

-C

the pressure to get married and finding closure in past relationships...

I guess I'm not the typical Southern belle because I just don't believe in "THE ONE"...You know, the ONE that most typical girls are searching for from the time they are...about five?! Yep, that sounds about right. Sorry, I just don't buy into the hype. I thought I did a one point (you'll read about that later)...Now, I know what some of you are thinking..oh, she's bitter, heartbroken, blah blah blah. Hey, maybe I am..I'll admit, I've been burned but I've also never been one of those girls who were naming their kids in the fifth grade.

Let's go back a few years (ok..let's go back several years..ahhhh..) to high school where dating was cool and fun. I say this because when you're in high school, you don't care if this is someone you could spend FOREVER with...it's easy...oh, he's cute and I like hanging out with him, so we should date, right?! If it doesn't work out, you break up and probably end up dating one of their friends and they date yours..well, if you're from a small town like me it's likely to happen. No pressure and usually low drama (except for a few people in the past that I have dated that probably could have benefited from some time in a padded room...) moving along...you get what I'm saying..it's like as soon as girls enter college in the South all they think about is their MRS. DEGREE. It truly blows my mind. All they can think about is walking down the aisle instead of walking across the stage to get that diploma. Don't get me wrong, as you can see from my previous blog, I love weddings. Actually, I just love wedding dresses. Why?! Because I'm girly and I like big, poofy, beautiful, sparkly gowns. In fact, if I could have a wedding and not actually have to wake up the next morning with the realization that I was married..I would totally be into it!

Listen, I know a lot of my friends are reading this (the engaged ones, the married ones, the crazy ones that are desperately looking for ANYONE to marry them..you know who you are..) and y'all are thinking "oh, she just hasn't met the right person"...well, maybe you're right. Maybe you're not though. For as long as I can remember, I've never wanted to get married and I've never wanted to have kids. I don't know why, I just haven't. Some people think it's weird but I just think it's different from what MOST Southern girls want. I'm okay with that. Honestly, I just don't think marriage and kids are for everyone. I've always kind of had that feeling that the whole white picket fence lifestyle just isn't for me. I'm not hating on you if that's the life you live. I have a ton of friends who are happily married and engaged and I'm truly happy for them. I think if you meet someone who you feel you can truly commit yourself to and you know you love unconditionally, then go for it. The thing that I see more often though is that people are getting married because they feel like it's the "next step" or the "right thing to do"....oh please don't get me started on this...but, I already have so let's just dig right in!

I'm going to give you some very vague but very personal examples. I dated in high school and college. A lot. Not seriously though. I got bored with people and I never liked the idea of commitment....HOWEVER..there was ONE guy...no, not "THE ONE" but THE ONE for me at the time...that I dated in high school...we all have ONE. We call them different things...the first LOVE...the  ONE that got away...whatever. You know who this person is in your life and I know who it is in mine. This was a guy I dated off and on for several years. I don't know what it was about this particular person but no matter how many crappy things he did and no matter how many times he broke up with me (heck, sometimes I didn't even know that we were broken up, he'd just fall off the face of the earth)..I always took him back. I can't even tell you how many times I cried and begged for him back. Yes, this is embarrassing but hey, it's my blog and if you want honesty, I'm gonna give it to you. HOW PATHETIC IS THAT?! Girls, if you take one thing away from this blog, take this...NEVER BEG A MAN FOR HIS AFFECTION. Do NOT do it. Seriously, you'll look back in regret like I do now. Of course, back then I was more of a loose cannon and I was so overwhelmed by my puppy love that I was willing to be the crazy ex girlfriend who was determined to win him back. When I went to college, things changed. I realized there were a whole lot of guys out there to date and suddenly I wasn't as worried about him anymore. I think this was about the same time that he realized his options weren't as bountiful since he never left our home town. BUT..I blame the extremely long summer vacations and Christmas breaks plus boredom in your hometown that draws you back to certain people. That's exactly what always happened. I'd get back home from my college girl adventures and he'd be the first person I'd see. We'd spend the whole break together each time and it felt like nothing had changed between us. It had though...we were both going in different directions but we were comfortable around each other and knew we could count on each other to be there. Then I moved to Nashville and realized that there were even MORE people to date than ever before. This was fun for a little while but I eventually got bored and realized that quantity does not mean quality. Nashville is a tough city to find a good guy in..and looking back I was probably trying to meet guys in the wrong settings...ladies, you're most likely not going to meet someone you wanna take home to meet the parents at your favorite bar. You're just not.

Now, when you get lonely and you realize your dating options are starting to dwindle down, guess what you do? Yep, you go back to that ONE comfortable person in your life hoping that they are available. The problem with this is...well, there are a few but let's just start with 1) most of the time, they won't be available because y'all are both getting older..especially if this person stayed in your home town and is ready to settle down...2) you're never going to get over this person if you always have them in the back of your mind. You have no closure...you NEED closure..and it can be painful.

With that being said, I think I prevented my feelings for this person to put up a wall. I never really cared about anyone like I did about him. My friends would always ask me why..what was it about him? I couldn't even tell you. I had just convinced myself that for some reason, we were supposed to be together. Now, during these few years I was in college and moved to Nashville, I had my chance to have him back...and guess what?! I TURNED IT DOWN. I walked away. I thought "nah, I don't need him."....well...I felt that way until I found out he got engaged..and then got married....

I was tortured by this. Did I make the wrong decision? Did I pass up my chance of being with THE ONE?! Was I destined to be single because I was being stubborn?! Had I screwed up my chance with him because I had built up a wall and refused to be vulnerable?! All of these things were constantly going through my head...it was awful...seriously, a nightmare.

After over a year of these thoughts, I finally had the chance to get some closure and let me tell you it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I've had therapists and friends tell me...YOU HAVE TO GET CLOSURE..yet, nobody knew how I was supposed to do that. Some help that was! It was a simple conversation that helped me close that chapter in my life and move on.

My point in all this is I think a lot of people have those feelings of "lost love" and "the one that got away"...and I just don't buy into it now after experiencing what I did. I think people develop a certain comfort level with past loves and it fools them into thinking that you can never feel that way again. They never get the CLOSURE that they really need. For me, I had to have a conversation with this ex...for you, maybe it's just writing down all of your feelings or simply accepting the fact that the person is no longer in your life for a reason. Maybe you have questions that need to be answered or you just need a cold hard reality check that it's OVER.

With all that being said...I don't really believe in the ONE. I think it's possible to love and be in love with many people throughout your lifetime and that there is no such thing as "the one that got away" because if they were supposed to be in your life...they wouldn't have gotten away, right?!

Also, if there are any single ladies my age out there reading this..I urge you not to fall into the trap that society wants you to. ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE SOUTHERN. It seems like in the South the pressure to get married and have kids ASAP is even worse than anywhere else. Live your life. Go after your dreams. Don't get married because you've been dating your guy for a while and it seems like the next logical step. It shouldn't be about that..and whatever you do...don't PRESSURE a guy into proposing to you. I don't know about you, but when and if I ever get proposed to, I want it to be because someone can't imagine their life without me, not because I gave them an ultimatum. AND..don't buy into the fact that you can't be happy unless you are married and have kids. Like I said before, I don't think it's for everyone and I'm pretty convinced that it's not for me. Only you can decide what's right for you and who is right for you...

and when anyone asks me why I'm not married and why I don't have kids...I'll just reply why my new favorite phrase taken from a hilarious book I'm reading right now (WE'RE JUST NOT THERE YET..perfect title)....I'M JUST NOT THERE YET! (and don't know if I'll ever be..) If you wanna read this book, you can find it here! Also, check out their blog and follow them on twitter @literarycowboys! Shout out to Daryl and Seth for sending me this awesome book...if you want a good laugh about dating and the stupid things girls do (and there are lots of them...) you'll wanna check it out!

All my Southern guys and gals out there...what do y'all think?


xo
C

Summerland 2012 Tour Review

Hey y'all! If you follow me on twitter (if you don't, then what are you waiting for?! ;) @MissCourtneyA) or we're friends on Facebook, you already know that I went to Charlotte on Sunday for the Summerland 2012 tour. First of all, if you don't know about this tour then you better start googling..or just finish reading this post. I'm a huge fan of 90s music (admit it, I know I'm not alone here..) so the fact that FIVE amazing bands got together to bring the best of the BEST when it comes to 90s rock is EVERYTHING! Do you know how refreshing it is to see bands play LIVE that actually sound as good, if not better, than their records?! It definitely revived my spirits to go to this show.

I missed Marcy Playground but heard they put on an amazing show..I hope I will catch them next time! I decided that catching up with my friend was more important than 'Sex and Candy'.... ;)

Lit played next and I wish they had a longer set. They were AMAZING. Note to reader: Jeremy Popoff is one of my dear friends and one of the people I think the most highly of in this entire world, so I'm always gonna be a bit biased ;) However, I dare anyone to listen to "My Own Worst Enemy" and NOT sing along. It's a big, huge, timeless SMASH. Everyone went wild when this song came on (including my mom..ha!) Their energy on stage is incredible and they really connect with their fans. I only wish they had been able to showcase more songs from their new album The View From the Bottom. When it comes to music, I will give it to you straight, regardless of how I feel personally about an artist/band...and this album is GREAT. Seriously, I haven't been able to stop listening to it and I'm so excited to tell you about it (if you don't already know..which you should because it's really THAT good)...Oh, I forgot to mention that it's produced by BUTCH WALKER! AH! Obsessed. It's really hard for me to pick a favorite because I truly think the entire album is solid...BUT, I will say that I find myself having "C'mon" and "You Tonight" stuck in my head. I am a complete sucker for a slow song though so I find myself having "She Don't Know" on repeat. Seriously, buy the album...go see 'em in concert..it's SO worth it. You can thank me later.

AJ & Jeremy about to go on stage

Lit about to hit the stage...pretty awesome hearing all those people freaking out when the music started.

Ryan & AJ ROCKING out.

Ryan & Jeremy

Mark McGrath (Sugar Ray lead singer) watching Lit play. 

Art (lead singer of Everclear) and Mark McGrath watching Lit perform.

After Lit finished, Gin Blossoms performed. YES, GIN BLOSSOMS! Me and mom were VERY excited about this..think about all of the awesome hits they've had...their songs have been the soundtrack of my youth (I know I'm getting old because when I asked my high school cousin if he knew any of their songs, he didn't, even after I played them! it's a dang shame!)..."Found Out About You", "Hey Jealousy", "Allison Road".....and the list goes on. Let me tell you, these are the most HUMBLE, talented, entertaining group of guys that you'll ever wanna meet. The lead singer, Robin, introduced himself to us and told me he liked my hair (even though to me it was flat as a pancake..you know us SOUTHERN GIRLS..the BIGGER the BETTER..ain't nothin' worse than your teasing comb failing you!)...LOVED their whole show...They sounded just as good, if not better, than their recordings which is a rare find these days. Robin kept the audience entertained and everyone knew every word to every song. It was fantastic.

Mom, Robin (lead singer of Gin Blossoms) and me. Listen, give me a break, it was humid and I got rained on. Please note, he told me he liked my hair much earlier in the night..you know, before I looked like a wet rat.

Well, here comes one of my favorite parts of the night SUGAR RAY...Lemme tell you, Mark McGrath is hot on TV and all but BLESS...in person, EVEN BETTER..ladies, seriously...Watching him on stage was incredible..one word for ya..STAR! I GET IT! He has amazing stage presence and exudes confidence...he was wearing white jeans and you could see his tattoos peeking out from under his t-shirt...oh la la..ok, I'm not trying to get 50 Shades of Grey on ya so I'll stop there! ha! I really wanted to meet him and Jeremy promised that he would introduce me (I don't know if I've mentioned this before but Jeremy is probably one of the most selfless, kind people on the planet...he always entertains my random requests for meeting people I'm a fan of)...I was pretty nervous though because I figured "dang..he's hot and he was so confident on stage...he is probably gonna suck.." I could not have been more WRONG. DEAD WRONG. Jeremy introduced me to him and he was so gracious, sweet, conversational and humble. He mentioned he had seen me on twitter (ha! I'm a tweetin' fool, y'all know that)...I loved talking to this guy...I could not get over how nice he was. LOVED HIM. Oh, I got so excited to tell y'all about how much I love Mark McGrath that I forgot to tell you Everclear closed the show. Best part...all the bands came out to play "Santa Monica" with them. VERY COOL. After the show, we hung out in the parking lot and on the bus....by that point we had met everyone...and I must say..everyone on that tour is ridiculously nice, humble and talented. Jeremy and the Lit guys are always so gracious to me and my mom. I'm so thankful for that because I always have fun and I know my mom loves going to see live music and getting the VIP treatment (who doesn't?!)..I'm so thankful and blessed that Jeremy treats me like gold. It's important to have people in your life who make you feel like you're important! Remember that :)

Mark McGrath, mom, me and Popoff

Me and my sweet friend Jeremy..LOVE HIM..I know he looks tough but he's got a heart of gold :)

Sugar Ray..so good!

Well, this show was the perfect occasion to wear my new skull ring ;)

All in all, AMAZING SHOW! I had so much fun and I highly suggest you go check 'em out when they hit a city near you! You can check out the rest of their tour dates here!

Oh, and although I had a lovely conversation with Mark....my mom ended up getting lucky..NOT ME. ha! 

Hope y'all enjoyed and will catch a show...don't forget to buy the new Lit album The View From the Bottom and tell me what you think :) 

xo-

C