Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I wish I could rewind..

My anxiety has been unbearable to deal with the past few weeks. I started a new medication and all that's happened is more horrible side effects. It's so frustrating to have to wait weeks to see if it's going to work for you or not. You basically have to endure weeks of headaches, upset stomach, MORE anxiety, and the list goes on...just to see if this medication MAY work. So far, my whole year has been BLAH. I feel like I've hit a brick wall with my therapist and I'm so sick of putting my body through all the medication changes. I'm mentally and physically exhausted...and I don't even do anything! I try to force myself to get out but all it does it stress me out and make me more anxious. I don't even want to see or talk to any of my friends. The sad part is, I know there are so many people out there like me who feel as hopeless as I do.

I wish I could rewind a few years...maybe make some changes and avoid things/people/situations that have played a role in my condition. Maybe that wouldn't have made much of a difference at all. Maybe I would still be where I am not either way.

I know God has a plan for me and a purpose for me and my life. When I prayed to God that I wanted to help people, I never imagined that it would be through my own suffering. I will say though that I have a compassion for people that I never had before I went through my own trials. I truly feel other people's sadness as if it were my own. I used to be scared of homeless people on the streets that seemed "crazy" I realize that these are just hurt, scared and lonely people who aren't as blessed as I am...they can't seek help for their mental health because they don't have the resources. So no matter how bad I feel, I always try to remind myself that there are much worse things that I could be going through and I'm blessed to know that God loves me and that my family does too.

I'm trying to keep the faith but it's HARD at times like these....

Hope all my bloggers are doing better than I am!


1 comment:

  1. I love you, Courtney. I know it's tough... hang in there, because you are right - God does have a beautiful plan for your life. The fact that He has your attention is huge... many people just wallow in their misery instead of turning to the one place they can find comfort - in the arms of Jesus. I love to see you pointing them there. It is precious, and He is already using you...